Take a screwdriver and ram it in your head!

person: i can spend all day on the internet
me: do you have a tumblr?
person: no
me: do you read fanfiction?
person: no
me: I don't understand

laughingstation:

when people take your sarcastic jokes seriously

Have you realized that your age is the number of times you’ve been around the sun.

lolzpicx:

minus-the-legend:

I don’t think a greater truth has ever been spoken holy shit

shuckl:

shuckl:

shuckl:

toast annoys me so much cos like it’s bread that’s been toasted so we call it “toast” but if you fry a potato it’s not called a “fry”

fries

do you ever look back at your mistakes

8amba:

1280px:

Real-time weather reports

sassy fucks

theinsufferablefan:

broadway-aradia:

what if you had an oven that could make things cold instead of hot omg

misplacedmartian:

when someone changes the topic in a conversation and you had something interesting to say

spell your name in my ask please

A: Are you a virgin?
B: 3 biggest pet peeves
C: Celebrity crush?
D: If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
E: Do you smoke?
F: Do you drink?
G: If you had to rank yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you be?
H: Longest relationship and with who?
I: 5 turn ons
J: 5 turn offs
K: What's the biggest lie you have ever told?
L: Would you ever date someone of another race?
M: What is your sexual orientation?
N: Top 5 traits you look for in a person that you want to have a relationship with
O: Who are you crushing on right now?
P: Who is your bestfriend? 
Q: Your guilty pleasure?
R: Who was your first kiss?
S: Do looks matter to you?
T: What kind of underwear are you wearing?
U: How big is your penis or for a girl, how big are your boobs
V: How far have you gone?
W: Do you like it when people play with your hair?
X: Are you circumcised? 
Y: Do you name your private parts?
Z: Do you pee in the shower?

[x]

hitlersasshole:

And I died a little on the inside